3D Reality: Looping in Positivity and Negativity

Have I become too negative?

Noticing myself only recently and I realize I frustrate my husband very easily.
He tells me, the first sentence I utter, from the observation I make of anything is in the negative tone.
Several thoughts flood my mind, such as, why am I like this. Why am I so miserable. Why am I so stupid... I want to die.
Well... more negativity.

I coach and train people for a living and I teach them to find the silver lining in every situation, which, I am struggling myself with; to be a healer and a positive person.
Am I?

I don't even remember when did I start behaving like this. I do not remember when did I start to see the world so negatively and when in the world did I start to want to die.

Now that I have noticed it, I want to feel better and be better; for myself and my clients.
I guess, for now, I will let my negative thoughts and negative observations be and start all over again; to focus on uttering only when I have something good to say about myself and others. Even when I think about the annoying voice of my neighbor, I will notice how sweet her nature is.
I will not complain about the task not done, but rather show curiosity in how can we make it done.

I believe this is an ongoing cycle of positive and negative where we keep learning and unlearning several times.
This is the yin and yang; the hell and heaven we loop into on this earth.

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